You may not know this, but Kris is writing a Book! Because Kris is writing a book, I thought he might be helpful in writing some Blog posts. He sent me some samples, clearly, he has lost his mind. Look forward to more of his witty and absurd posts like the one one seen below! -Erin
The Hole of the People
All knives evolve toward the Paramilitary 2. This is not a value judgment. This is biology laid bare. Just as all sea creatures keep inexplicably becoming crabs, knives—through the pressures of utility, fidget culture, market forces, and spiritual fatigue—become Spydercos. Specifically, they become the Para 2.
There are only so many ways to shape a handle before the hump makes sense. Only so many locking mechanisms before the compression lock is accepted as inevitable. Only so many attempts to add thumb studs before inversion, flippers, assisted actions, button locks, magnets, holes shaped like logos—until one man finally stands up and screams, “What if the hole was the entire system?” His grip on my collar is relentless. His eyes are wild. “ALL IS HOLES,” he shouts, “WE’RE ALL HOLES!”
That hole is not a compromise. It is not branding. It is a statement of belief. It says, “You will learn this motion. You will make your peace with this shape. You will open this knife as others have before you.” It is a collectivist action performed in capitalist clothing. The hole is punched, not milled. Punched, like a factory stamp. Like a hammer and sickle pressed into steel, then sold at markup. The knife costs $160. You are expected to believe this is fair. And you do. Because it works.
The Para 2 is not beautiful. It is not elegant. It is what happens when beauty and elegance are removed as design requirements. It is the tool that emerges when the goal is not form or flash, but convergence. The thumb hole. The hump. The lock that flexes like a tendon. The knife that asks nothing of you except acceptance.
Other knives come and go. They rise. They glitter. They fail. The Para 2 remains, sprinting in colors no one asked for, steels that sound like alloys invented in a dream. But the shape holds. The hole remains. And when all other brands collapse into private equity fossils, you will still find a Paramilitary 2 in stock. Likely in Maxamet. Possibly in pink. When our culture fails, the PM2 stands over the ashes, the sun funneled to a crescent shadow through the hole that remembers.
I resisted at first. I mocked the hump. I called them bug knives. I swore I’d never own one. I now have four. -Kris
